The Doctor Makes House Calls
by Doctor-Strider-Time
Summary: The Doctor and Martha prepare for another adventure in time and space when something goes awry in the control room leaving them stuck in a certain game. They begin to investigate this strange checker-patterned world but they will soon find that dabbling in the affairs of children and their games could mean much more than game over. Post-scratch & 3rd season. Cover: loopyylunatico26
1. TARDIS on Skaia

DWHS xover 07/20/2012

**Okay, so I've become a Whovian. Nuff said on that matter. **

**So, a little about this story. Firstly, the 10****th**** Doctor is best Doctor, so I'm using him, no explanation on that one. Secondly, I chose Martha as the Doctor's companion for this because, eh, I feel as if she needs a little more love, you know? I just don't see much Martha around. And for the Homestuck portion, it's post scratch because I had no other ideas on how I'd get everyone together besides some serious Weird Plot Shit that would take me ridiculously too long to think up. So yeah. It's post scratch.**

**Oh yeah, and I'll be using Homestuck-like commands while remaining in 3rd person POV. Just to shake it up or whatever.**

**The cover art for this story was made by the wonderful ~loopyylunatico26 on deviantART. She gave me permission to use it and all that stuff, so don't worry about that lol. You should check her out, she's pretty darn good. X3**

**Well. Let's see how this little one crashes and burns like the rest of my crossovers. 8D**

**Disclaimer: The BBC owns Doctor Who and Andrew Hussie owns Homestuck. Wow, looky here, I'm not either of those and/or affiliated with either of them. We're just learning new things every day.**

**Allons-y!**

* * *

**==Be in a police box that travels time and space**

"Alrighty-o Martha, where to today?" A man in a long trenchcoat, a blue suit, and off-setting red converses shouted as he scanned the controls of his TARDIS.

"Alrighty...o?" The young woman next to him asked, giggling into her hand a bit. She hadn't known the Doctor for too long, but she'd known him just long enough to pick up on a few of his many quirks. One of this infinite quirks being his tendency to make words sound very, very silly.

"Well yes, what did you expect me to say? Just alright? You really need to get used to the way things work around here, Miss Jones." The Doctor smirked, hiking his foot onto the other side of the console.

"I'm used to it enough to know that you don't need to contort yourself all over the console just to hit a switch. Here, let me get that one for you." Martha moved his foot off the console, hitting a couple switches on it's way down. Nobody noticed of course, since this is a melodrama where things come as a shock and the like.

"Fine, but it's more fun that way. Just hit the little blue one." The Doctor scowled as he made his way to the other side of the console, slapping a couple buttons himself.

"_Alrighty-o_, Doctor." Martha laughed at her own joke as she hit the switch matching the description. A couple lights flashed and the TARDIS shook a bit but stopped as quickly as it started. The Doctor raced over to the area Martha was standing over, whipping his glasses.

"What exactly did you hit Martha?" He muttered, examining the board of switches and buttons. He shook his head, clicked his tongue, and whipped his glasses back off. "Well, whatever you hit, it's not going to do us any good trying to fix it now. The Time Vortex is already taking us there, or preparing in the least."

"What do you mean? And why is this suddenly my fault? You're the one with your trainers all over the dashboard." The African-British scoffed, crossing her arms.

"To answer your second question since it's answer is much, much shorter, it's your fault because you haven't been operating a TARDIS since oh, I don't know, a very long time. The first question...well, let's just make a long story short and say that we're in for a bit of a ride. And by ride, I mean so much of a ride, all our past adventures will seem like a little stroll in the safe part of town when compared. The part of town where Ms. Brown goes out daily to give everyone flowers while Mr. Evans throws free money out in the street. Yet that's actually a very stupid idea, so we'd be in the stupid part of town-"

"DOCTOR!" Martha yelled, making said Doctor's head snap up in surprise. "Sorry, it's just you were rambling again. But if it's really that bad, is there any way to override the system and get us the hell out of there?"

"Oh, no no no no, and no. You _never_ try to override a Time Vortex. It would rip a hole in the space-time continuum and from there it'd be 90 degrees downhill straight into a hard, cement wall of 'I told you so'. So there's no way to get the hell out of here." The Doctor rubbed his temples. "We're just going to have to see what's on the other side. But from the readings I'm getting on the monitor, we're most likely not going to like it."

Martha slid in front of one of the monitors herself and studied the readings. She had learned how to read the readings just a few days ago but what she was getting from this was absolute rubbish. She was pretty sure that ?4=-+~612` was _not_ a year and that -+12+=?~413 was not what she knew to be proper coordinates.

"Doctor, these readings are absolute...nonsense," She frowned at the screen and blinked a couple times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

"That's normally what happens when you screw around with the controls. Yet I've never seen it be quite this bad. I mean a tilde, really? We must be going somewhere real far out. Possibly even worse than end of the universe. Maybe beyond the end of the universe, if that's possible. Yet what troubles me is those digits within the results..." The Doctor frowned to himself. "I know I've seen them somewhere, I just can't place my finger on it..."

"Well before you get too lost in thought with tildes and strange numbers, we're here, wherever here is." Martha said, moving away from the console. The Doctor stood up and strode over to the TARDIS door.

"Ready?" He asked. Martha nodded and he opened the door to face whatever could be out there.

* * *

**==Check on whatever could be out there**

"Rose. You're completely sure this is going to work." A certain sunglasses-clad Knight asked, staring at his ecto-sister through his thick, black lenses.

"Yes, David, we have it all worked out. No thanks to you, I may add." Rose sighed, ruffling her hair in slight frustration. Between Dave, her mother as a teen, Karkat's never-ending rants, and the utter confusion of the Alpha session she was doing all she could to keep her brain from splattering everywhere across all of the Incipisphere.

"But, I mean, what if Jack comes swooping in all inconveniently right when we're screwing around trying to kick the Condesce's tight ass?" Strider asked, spouting his fifth convoluted speculation in the past 15 minutes. Rose just sighed and shook her head, not even bothering to answer her brother this time. She had better things to do. Better things as in looking over their Skaia, making sure everything was in order.

As she was just about to grasp the answer to the question her mind had been mulling over for what seemed like forever, a windy derp came flying out of nowhere as inconveniently as possible shouting his friend's names over and over.

"Dave! Rose! Dave! Rose! Dave, Rose, something just happened!" John repeated, arms flailing around ridiculously. Dave broke his stoic cover for half a second to smirk at the sight but instantly wiped his face of all emotion, trying to hold back fits of laughter. Rose, however, was extremely unamused. So _very_ unamused.

"What could it possibly be this time?" Rose said through clenched teeth. "This better not be another report about Jade chasing my mother's mutant felines around again because I utterly and sincerely _do not care_ anymore. To tell the truth, I stopped caring somewhere between the last twelve and twenty times you have told me about this. I have more important things to worry about."

"Oh, well, okay. Even though she is, I wasn't coming over here to tell you that this time." John frowned, buck teeth still sticking out. "I was going to tell you that there's some weird blue police box thingy 30 yards away from camp."

"Wait, blue police box thingy?" Dave snickered. "What kind of ACME brand shitty description is that, Egderp?"

"Hey, it's not like I read books for fun like Rose does. I watch the movies." John laughed. Rose shook her head at her friend's banter, anger wearing off somewhat.

"Alright, fine. You've convinced me that this so called 'blue police box thingy' is of top priority. But one question, do you have any idea how such a 'thingy' would have showed up here of all places?" Ms. Lalonde inquired, trying to search her memory for such an object. It was irking her how much she should know what it is but she just couldn't place her finger on it.

"No clue. But all I know is that Jane told me she watched it sorta fade in with the light on top flashing. She also said she could have sworn she heard voices coming from inside it but she wasn't sure. You'd have to ask her about that part." John recalled, finger on his chin.

"No need for that. Gather up the other kids and any trolls if you can find them, we're going in." Rose said, dusting non-existant dust bunnies off of her God Tier robes and grabbing Dave by the arm, marching back towards the direction of camp. John saluted and went to gather up the rest of their team of kids and any trolls he could find lurking about even though they were all on the other side of Skaia, currently on a stakeout mission.

* * *

**==DW: Exit the blue police box thingy**

The Doctor slowly pushed open the door of his TARDIS and stepped out ever so carefully, Martha nearly on top of him, right in his wake.

"My God...where have we gotten ourselves to today..." The Doctor breathed to himself, taking in the strange landscape. The ground was a checkerboard, pockmarked with what seemed to be craters of various sized meteors. There were spots of green on the horizon but it just seemed to be an endless expanse of alternating black and white boxes. The sky was swirled white and blue like cotton candy, pictures appearing in the clouds every so often. About what they guessed to be 30 yards away, a little camp like set of structures resided on the checkerboarded ground.

"Doctor, do you have any idea where we are?" Martha said as quietly, one foot still inside the TARDIS just in case something happened where she would need to get back into the ship as fast as possible.

"Not the slightest." The Timelord said, nearly making his companion facepalm. "But that's what makes it fun, doesn't it? Allons-y, Martha!" The Doctor took a couple huge strides forward before the sound of his companion's voice stopped him.

"But Doctor, where exactly are we going to 'allons-y' off to? You don't know what's out there any more than I do, do you?" Martha crossed her arms.

"You know, those are both _spectacular_ questions that I will answer for you. No idea. But like I said, that's what makes it fun! C'mon then!" The Doctor grinned, striding forward with Martha trailing behind him, snickering. "It can't be too bad, can it? It's not like the Daleks, Cybermen, and every other horror we've run into is just going to pop up and spoil the fun. That would be so predictable."

* * *

**==HS: Go in**

"Lalonde, what exactly did you bring us here for?" Dirk Strider sighed, putting his katana down. "It's not like we have all day. We only have three hours or so before Jack Whatsisname shows up and all hell breaks loose."

"Yeah, I was breeding the frogs. Again." Jade huffed, ears flopping over in frustration. Rose sighed. Today was definitely not her day, none of them were. None of them.

"Look, there's a serious threat on the horizon. Like literally, it's on the horizon. You can go look for yourself." She said, pointing out the window of the base camp. Everyone dashed over to the window and started pushing at each other to get a better look. Rose sighed yet again, she wished they would act as sane as her just for five minutes.

"What is it? I can't really make it out." Jake asked from under Roxy who was fogging up the window with her breath, just "for the lylz".

"John and Jane have so beautifully described it as a 'blue police box thingy'. That's the best we have right now and no one's going over there until we have a legitimate plan worked out, we have no idea what could come out of that thing or what it's doing here in the first place." Rose replied as everyone started to back away from the window a bit.

"And do the trolls know about this thing yet? Karkat would blow a gasket if he didn't find out such 'serious leader business' right away." Jade asked, inwardly giggling at the thought of Karkat blowing said gasket.

"I tried to find them but all of them were on the other side of Skaia patrolling so I decided not to bother them." John stated. Suddenly Jake's eyes lit up with epiphany and he started to grin widely. Everyone stared at him for a minute. All of the sudden he burst out, making everyone jump.

"GUYS I THINK I KNOW WHAT THE BLUE POLICE BOX DOODAD COULD POSSIBLY BE." He near-squeed, eyes twinkling with boyish glee.

"What is it, for fuck's sake tell us before you explode and we have to scrape you off the walls." Dave said, grabbing Jake by the shoulders.

"THE. DOCTOR. TARDIS. THING." Was all he said before falling onto the closest chair-like thing they had salvaged from the ship Jade and John travelled in on.

"Wait, what?" Jane said, staring at Jake's collapsed form. Jake's eyes sprung open.

"How can you never heard of...? I can't believe it...how can you have never heard of Doctor Who?" He gasped incredulously. Comprehension dawned on John and Rose, but everyone else was still partially confused.

Rose tapped her chin. "Ah, I see. That's why all of this seemed so familiar. But I still don't understand, it's just a show. It's literally impossible for the things mentioned in said show to even possibly exist. Especially something as advanced as the TARDIS. Yet, there is sburb, so I guess stranger things have happened..." She mused to herself, zoning everyone else out partially.

"Wait, TARDIS? What kind of name is that? Is it like police, but for tards?" Dave snickered while Jake just gaped at him.

"How...how...how can you put down the TARDIS in such a way?" He whispered meekly. Dave put his hands up in the universal sign of "sorry bro" and continued to snicker. John, meanwhile, was in a state of shock. He was just standing in the corner, mouth forming a perfect 'O'.

Dirk was thinking the whole thing over while Roxy just sort of stood around, muttering to herself about how funny a word TARDIS is. Jane was still rather confused as was Jade, they obviously hadn't dabbled in British dramas as much as the rest of their party.

"So, if this Doctor Who show apparently is real, what does that mean? What does this imply? I sure hope it doesn't mean more shit, I'm pretty tired of shit, even in an ironic sense." Dirk sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried to get a grip on exactly what was happening.

"Well, from what normally happens in Doctor Who, some kind of alien being is disturbing some kind of balance in the universe so the Doctor and whoever happens to be his companion at the time have to swoop in and save the day. The Doctor is the last of some kind of humanoid alien race called the Timelords and has a time and space traveling machine shaped like a British police box called the TARDIS. From there, it all just gets sort of confusing and is a never-ending story spanning across many seasons. Though it's not half as confusing as what we've been through, so I guess that says something." Rose explained. "But, if he's here, then something really strange must be going on. Well, not that strange for us, probably pretty normal for him. So this is going to be smooth sailing, believe me."

* * *

**Well. I think that went quite nicely if I don't say so myself. And Rose's last statement, I think that's your worst prediction there sweetie. Let's see how this one turns out.**

**Anyway, I have almost the whole next chapter planned out and I'm in the process of writing it right now. Believe me, this is going to be very, _very_ amusing. So join me next time!**

**~Mint**


	2. Trolls Don't Like Doctors

TDMHC Chap 2 08/13/2012

**Wow guys, thanks for all the faves, reviews, and follows! Means a lot to me!**

**For once I'm not going to mess around with the author's notes and get down to business. So here we are!  
Disclaimer: Andrew Hussie is the creator of Homestuck (and the owner of many souls) while the BBC owns the rights to Doctor Who. I am neither of these people/organizations.**

**Author's POV**

**DW: Venture into the checkerboard.**

The Doctor and Martha hadn't ventured far out from the TARDIS when they came to realize that no matter how far they walked, the landscape wouldn't change, save for a shrub or stream here and there.

"Do you think it's inhabited?" Martha asked, growing more and more weary of this trip by the second. It was starting to rival the Weeping Angels when she had to get a job in 1969 to keep her and the Doctor alive. That Sally Sparrow sure took her sweet time, didn't she.

"Who knows? There's water, but I haven't seen any sources of food, much less any signs of moving besides us." The Doctor remarked, looking at the picture flashing clouds, casually.

"Then why don't we just shove o-" Martha started but was swiftly cut off by the Doctor's finger on her lips. He motioned for her to listen closely. She could just barely make out voices from about ten meters away…

"I heard people talking over here, it didn't sound like any of the trolls, either," The Doctor frowned at the direction the voice came from. American, frankly high pitched, female. Who, or what, exactly was he dealing with? And what's all this talk about _trolls_?

Martha brought him out of his daze as she yanked his finger off her lips and shot him a worried look. She was just as confused as he was, if not more.

"The voices stopped. They know we're here." Another voice commented. The Doctor and Martha both recognized the accent to be one of the deep, American south.

"Oh boy, I can't believe this! Blimey, this is bloody fantastic! The Doctor and Martha _and_ the TARDIS actually being real! Gee whilikers, even my pistols are twitching!" The Doctor and Martha shot each other repressed laughs, the obviously fake British accent was absolutely hilarious, once you got past the part about whoever this nutjob was knowing who they were.

As they were thinking about what they could possibly be facing this time, a small band of kids, teenagers more like, appeared over the horizon. They all looked about sixteen, half of them with dark hair, half of them with light. Most of them also appeared to be in strange pajamas…

**Doctor: Make up latest lie-I mean alibi.**

"Oh, uh, hello there, don't mind us, just, um, checkerboard inspectors…" The Doctor lied quickly, flashing the psychic paper. Martha raised an eyebrow at their latest alibi. She knew she wouldn't buy it herself and was pretty sure those kids wouldn't either.

"Ah, yes, that would make sense. Our," The girl in the front with orange robes smirked and raised an eyebrow herself. "_Checkerboard_ would be due for inspection by now. And of course your credentials completely suffice. White text is all the rage these days, or at least that's what I hear." She finished sarcastically, obviously enjoying herself. The boy in red pajamas and aviator shades next to her shook his head.

"What's she's trying to say is you're not shitting us." He clarified. The Doctor frowned and flipped his psychic paper around, hitting it a couple times.

**Doctor: Accept defeat.**

"Well, you got us there. Fine, I'm the Doctor, she's Martha, but you already know that. We heard you talking too. And just to let you know, we have no idea where we are, so don't interrogate us about it. But, one question before many more, how did you get past the psychic paper?" The Doctor asked, shoving said paper back in his overcoat.

"I think it's because we reached God Tier, right Rose?" A black haired girl in a very Wicked Witch of the East-esque outfit asked the orange-clad girl in front of her. Rose nodded.

"Yes, by obtaining God Tier and rising above the echeladder, we have received a psychic barrier of sorts to guard us against simple things like the Doctor's apparent 'psychic paper'." She explained. The Doctor put a finger to his chin in thought. He stepped up closer to the kids, Martha close behind him. She was curious as to where all of this was going and didn't want to miss anything, or be too far away from the Doctor.

"Right, now, can you tell me why all of this is so familiar? I don't know why myself and I quite hate not knowing. Oh yeah and while you're at that, please explain to me how you know who we are and what a TARDIS is." He asked them. The kids looked between themselves, considering the consequences silently, communicating with various head jerks and grunts.

"Well, um, we wouldn't know why sburb is so familiar to you…" A girl in a tan and light green outfit with dark, short cut hair started.

"But we can explain why we know who you are!" A very windy boy with huge buck teeth finished for one of his look alikes.

"Yeha, you guyz are liek on a tv show or sumthin…" A girl with dark blue clothes and a very disoriented expression slurred out, tipping what looked to the Doctor and Martha to be a half filled martini glass. Martha pulled a face, thinking of her father's last girlfriend.

The Doctor, however, was less focused on the girl's drinking habits and more so on what she just said.

"Wait, what? A TV show you say? But that wouldn't make sense…" He started muttering to himself. "Unless…AHA! Oh yes oh yes, that's what happened oh yes, that would make it all fit…" And with that he started rambling into oblivion, using words most of them never knew even existed, bringing up things no one had heard about.

"Um, Doctor, I think you can stop rambling now." Martha interrupted. "One of the kids looks a bit…out of it." She said, pointing to one of the boys in the back, not speaking a word, and looking absolutely mesmerized.

"Oh that's just the alcohol, I'm pretty sure she'll be fine…maybe," He said, waving her off and returning to his thoughts.

"No, not the girl, the boy in the back in the…duck costume." Martha frowned at the outfit, not quite sure what it was supposed to be, just taking a guess on 'duck'.

"What duck cos-oh. That kid. Yes, it does look like there's something wrong with him…I think that's dribble coming out of his mouth, not sure." The Doctor said, leaning in for a better look. The kid that we know as Jake's eye twitched as his mouth started to go from an O shape to a D.

"OH MY GOD THE DOCTOR JUST TALKED ABOUT MY SPITTLE MAN ALIVE I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO DIE ON THE SPOT." He shouted, all the words running together, he said them so fast. Martha tried to hold back another laugh at the poorly placed British slang while the Doctor just raised an eyebrow.

"And how popular exactly is this show of mine?" He asked, crossing his arms. Rose just shook her head in response.

"Very popular. So ridiculously popular that in fact there are people that run amok dressed as various components of the show-blue police boxes, many varieties of aliens you have encountered, even you and your companions." She replied, the corners of her mouth lifting at the Doctor and Martha's reactions. "Yes, I am serious when I say that. There have been many a Tenth Doctor stepping out of a cardboard TARDIS at a comic convention. There have been quite a few Eleventh Doctors as well, but I shouldn't tell you about that, that would just spoil the fun." Her smile turned to a smirk.

"You mean I make it to Eleven? Brilliant! Am I ginger?" The Doctor grinned widely. The Southern boy shook his head.

"Nope, blackish brown I suppose. No ginger so far, well, in these guys' perspectives. Me and Roxy are from the future of Earth, we know what all the incarnations look like. And no, we're not telling you if you're ginger as Twelve or Thirteen." He responded before the Doctor could ask. The Doctor frowned and sighed while Martha giggled into her hand.

"So, now that you know who we are apparently, who are you all?" Martha asked.

**Kids: Introduce yourselves.**

"I'm John Egbert, that's Dave Strider," The boy in the aviators mini saluted. "Rose Lalonde," The Doctor's face fell slightly, but not too visibly as the girl in orange adjusted her headband. "Jade Harley," The witch girl smiled playfully. "Jane Crocker," The girl in tan and green smiled as well. "Jake English," The British sounding boy pulled out a pistol and struck a pose, making Martha laugh outright. "Dirk Strider," The magenta boy did a very sugoi peace sign. "And Roxy Lalonde." The drunk girl dribbled her drink down her front as she chortled into her glass.

The Doctor pulled himself back together again and began to think again. "All of this is giving me a serious case of déjà vu…like I should know what all this is…but what could it be…" He thought to himself for a second. "OH! OH! OH! I know! This is-"

**Trolls: Appear inconveniently.**

Suddenly a loud yell interrupted the Doctor and made everyone jump. "AGGGHHHH OH MY GOG TEREZI STOP FUCKING LICKING ME YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WHAT I FUCKING TASTE LIKE I MEAN GOG JUST CUT IT OUT!" John rolled his eyes.

"Looks like the trolls are coming. Brace yourselves, Doctor and Martha, for these aliens are like none you've encountered before…" John said, using his creepiest voice while wiggling his fingers and waggling his eyebrows. The Doctor just raised an eyebrow.

"Oh we'll see about that Johnny boy." He waved a disapproving finger at John, making his eyeballs roll back, completely amazed at the Doctor's finger actually waving in front of his face. "Oh, no, don't do that, that's not good…"

**Karkat: Be as rude as ever, how surprising.**

"OH LOOK HERE WE ARE WITH THE STUPID ASSHOLE BRIGADE. HOW'D YOU MANAGE TO GET A COUPLE OF BRAINDEAD HUMAN LUSII HERE?" Our favorite nubby troll shouted in his usual manner, storming over to the troupe of ridiculousness. The Doctor's already raised eyebrow elevated a tad higher.

"Alternian trolls, wow, nice. And an especially loud one too…what blood color are you? I don't remember grey being part of the hemospectrum…" The Doctor asked, examining Karkat's grey symbol on his shirt.

Karkat, being as…_touchy_ as he usually is on the subject shot the dirtiest look her could possibly muster at the Doctor. "YOU CAN JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW." He said, his voice a little quieter and tighter than usual. Of course it was still a yell, but less so. The Doctor raised his arms.

"Okay, fine then, won't ask again! Blimey, don't remember them being so touchy about blood colors…" He said, stepping off a bit. Karkat eyed him suspiciously.

"What do you mean _remember_? Trollkind hasn't reached Earch or whatever your horrid rock of a planet is called." Karkat said, his voice dropping a few decibels so he wasn't basically screaming at the top of his lungs anymore.

"Oho, yeah, that's where it gets complicated. You see, I'm not exactly _from_ Earth, nor am I human." The Doctor said slightly sheepishly. "If you want proof, feel my chest, two hearts."

"Whoa man, getting a bit intimate there. I wouldn't screw Nubs over here, he'd be screeching the whole time about some pointless shit." Dave remarked from the sidelines. John giggled at the innuendo, Jane stepped on his foot ("Shit lady, what was that for?!"), and the Doctor rolled his eyes, as did Martha. To the Doctor it just seemed like another Captain Jack in the making over there.

"But if you're not human, what are you? You look like one of those flesh monkeys to me." Karkat grunted, scanning the Doctor like sonar to the bottom of the ocean.

"Timelord. Last of, to be specific." The Doctor said, looking Karkat in the eye as his face shifted from disgruntled to slightly awestruck, if not a bit scared.

"W-Wait…oh fuck, oh fuck, this is just, oh fuck!" Karkat exclaimed, eyes growing to the size of saucers. He stumbled back a couple steps. "Holy…Jegus, what the actual, legitimate, burning, fermenting hell! How are all of you flesh monkeys so calm?! Some serious shit's about to go down, something bad always happens when he's around…oh shit, oh shit!"

"What do you mean Karkat? He's the Doctor, if something bad happens, he can handle it! He always fixes everything, it says so in the show!" John asked, frowning.

"I-I…I'll talk to you guys later, I have to make sure…make sure my team's okay…" And with that Karkat ran off in the opposite direction, towards his team on the other side of Skaia.

"Well he was pleasant." Martha remarked sarcastically, crossing her arms.

**Okay, that's out of the way. Tell me if you liked this chapter, I worked pretty hard on this one! If anyone's out of character, please let me know!**

**Till next time,**

**~Mint**


	3. Martha, Stop Snickering

**Hopy ship! More followers and faves and reviews, thanks a bunch! It seriously means the world to me! X3**

**I'm updating a bit quicker because dang, this story is just bursting with ideas in my head right now that I can't wait a second to write! The plot bunnies, they're just having a feast up in my brain. I swear.**

**Oh yeah, and for this part, let's all just assume Gamzee showed up again with the rest of the trolls eventually. I'm not going to bother explaining, so just use your imagination or some shiz. And since I got a request to type in their quirks, I'll try that this chapter and see how that works out. I will add punctuation to the characters that don't use it to make it easier to read, though. If it doesn't work out (which I have a feeling it won't, typing in all caps like Karkat does conveys less emotion to me), I'll just leave it at that.**

**Disclaimer: Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie and Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. I'm not either of them. Nuff said.**

* * *

**Karkat: Flip out at team**

Karkat came running up the hill, full speed ahead at the small band of trolls at the top. He was flailing his arms and looking less raged than usual and something the other trolls didn't recognize on his face...could that be terror? They weren't sure.

"K4RKL3S WH4T 1S 1T NOW?" Terezi asked, eyebrows moving down in doubt and mouth forming a literal question mark shape. Kanaya turned around from looking at a passing oracle cloud to see what it was Karkat was riled up about this time.

"TEREZI...KANAYA...GAMZEE...I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU," Karkat panted out upon reaching his friends. Kanaya raised an eyebrow in interest, Gamzee ambled over from his fridge of creepy dead bodies, and Terezi's doubtful eyebrows went up as well. "ALL THOSE GRUB STORIES ABOUT THE ONCOMING STORM WERE TRUE." Everyone's face fell.

"BrO BrO BrO ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE ThAt's jUsT MoThErFuCkInG WhOa aRe yOu sErIoUs." Gamzee grabbed Karkat by the shoulders and shook him a couple times, dazing the smaller troll even more than he already was. Karkat flailed in protest and the clown obliged, ceasing the shaking and setting him down on the ground.

Kanaya gave him a worried look that didn't bother to conceal a dash of skepticism. "Karkat Are You Completely Sure? From What I Understand They Were Just Simple Recouperacoon Tales, Nothing To Take With A Grain Of Salt." She asked him, taking a step closer to the smaller troll. Karkat nodded vigorously.

"DON'T DOUBT ME KANAYA, I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING SERIOUS. HE'S RIGHT OVER THAT HILL, DRESSED IN SOME STUPID ASS SUIT AND TRENCHCOAT. HE EVEN DRAGGED ALONG SOME HUMAN LUSII WOMAN! THE STRANGEST PART IS THAT THOSE DUMBFUCK PEACHY WEASELS ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THE FUCK HE IS. AND JUDGING BY THE WAY EGBERT REACTED TO HIS EXISTENCE, IT'S LIKE THEY FUCKING _WORSHIP HIM_." Karkat groaned, flinging his hands up in the air in disgust._  
_

"SOO...4R3 W3 GO1NG TO T4LK TO H1M, OR...WH4T?" Terezi asked awkwardly, not completely sure of what was going on. Of course she'd heard the many versions of the tale of the Oncoming Storm, she wasn't clueless, even though she never really had a lusus. But, from her take on the story, the Oncoming Storm was just serving justice. However, if anyone heard her opinion, she'd obviously be culled on the spot for treason, so she really didn't voice this opinion.

Of course Karkat disagreed with her take on it in the most rude way possible.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR THINK PAN, PYROPE?! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE BATSHIT, BUT THIS IS JUST A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR YOU." The nubby troll yelled in rage and disbelief so loud that he bet even those flesh monkeys over the hill could hear him.

Kanaya, on the other hand, gave Terezi an apologetic look. "I Am Sincerely Sorry, But I'm Afraid I Have To Be In Agreement With Karkat On This One." She said sheepishly.

Gamzee just sort of drifted, forgetting about anything going on presently as usual. None of the other three trolls were surprised in the least, even Karkat didn't waste his breath trying to attract his moirail's attention.

"PL333444S333?" Terezi pleaded, curiosity soaring out of control. "H3 C4N'T B3 TOO HORR1BL3, 1F H3 W4S, YOU'D B3 D34D 4LR34DY K4RKL3S." She argued with a maniacal cackle added in for effect. Karkat groaned loudly in response.

"She Is Right, I Guess I Could Possibly Give Him A Chance. Karkat, Gamzee, What About You?" Kanaya reasoned as she turned to the two remaining male trolls. Karkat gave a grumbled 'whatever', not wanting to disagree with Kanaya while Gamzee finally resurfaced from his mirthful daydream land at the sound of his name.

"I'm MoThErFuCkIn' ChIlL wItH tHaT, sIs. SoUnDs LiKe SoMe SeRiOuS mIrAcUlOuS sHiT aLl Up In ThIs BiTcHtItS." Gamzee slurred out.

"UGH, FINE, LET'S GO. BUT IF WE'RE ALL BRUTALLY MURDERED, THEN YOU CAN BLAME YOUR OWN SORRY EXCUSES FOR AN ASS." Karkat grouched, knowing when he's been beaten. He then led them back over to the main party of kids and time travellers, dread building every step closer he was to the Doctor and his companion.

**Dave: Be a nosy little prick**

"Yo Doctor man, why was Karkat so flippity shit around you? He's always jumpier than a squirrel on crack, but that was like a squirrel who hadn't had crack in days and was dying for it so he decided to drink like fifty cups of coffee a day to fill the void, but it still wasn't working so he-" Dave started to spin a tale of irony but the Doctor cut him off with a waving hand.

"Oh don't get into some long story, I get it, I get it. I should have seen that coming anyway, I guess the Alternians still don't like me and I can see why," The Timelord said, voice trailing off a bit at the end as he felt the regular pang of guilt that he did whenever he dug up some old memory.

"They don't like you?! I can beat some sense into them, fisticuffs and all that, always love a good brawl!" Jake volunteered, eyes sparkling again. Martha snickered into her hand but instantly stopped when she saw the look on the Doctor's face.

"No, that would be a horrible idea. Violence is never the answer, well, sometimes it is but that's only a last resort. And anyway, in this particular situation, violence is actually the worst possible idea that you could think up. I've already done enough, any more would be unthinkable." The Doctor said bitterly. Martha put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She asked, starting to worry about him again. He did an awkward shoulder roll and a brisk nod, trying to shake her hand off in the process. He obviously wasn't okay, but he couldn't afford to lose it right then. Martha decided not to push him about that anymore, just for the sake of everyone's sanity.

"Doctor, what happened to make the trolls not like you?" Jade asked, frowning. "I mean I can definitely understand something happening to make you not like them, but the other way around is just strange."

The Doctor began to turn around and attempt to answer her question without doing something stupid but was quickly interrupted by Roxy's rather slurred and disoriented troll alert. "TRLOLZ ON THE HIROZIN! Trolls. Horizon." She yelled, adding her in-speech typo corrections at the end quietly, just like an afterthought or footnote in a book.

"I guess we'll find out the whole story right now, huh?" Dirk posed a question to no one in particular. The Doctor nodded grimly, bracing himself for whatever kind of emotional scarring he was up for this time. He had screwed the Alternians over pretty bad last time he encountered them, by accident of course, and if the rest of them were going to react the same way that first one did, things weren't going to end well.

**Trolls: Warily greet Oncoming Storm**

"UM, HI AGAIN..." Karkat mumbled, staring at the ground, fearing the thought that if he made eye contact, his eyes would burst into flames right inside his head. Or at least that's what the stories say. Terezi, however, paraded up front and stepped directly in front of the Doctor, taking a big whiff.

"HMMM...CHOCOL4T3 W1TH 4 BUNCH OF BLU3B3RRY ON TH3 OUTS1D3. Y3T ON TH3 1NS1DE W3 H4V3 OODL3S OF SW33T, C4NDY R3D! H3H3H3H3H3!" Terezi cackled, stepping even closer, if at all possible, to the Doctor. He tried to step back but the blind troll just advanced further once more. Dave, from the back, lost his cool for a second to laugh quietly into his hand. "BUT, UNSURPR1S1NGLY, NOT 4 S1NGL3 H1NT OF D3C1ET! 1 TOLD YOU GUYS, H3'S CL34N!"

The Doctor stuttered, feeling uncomfortable. Yet no matter how awkward the position of getting sniffed by a teenage alien girl was, he was still absolutely fascinated that she could actually smell and presumably taste colors. He had run into something like this ages ago, but it was still incredible.

"Hello, Um, My Name Is Kanaya Maryam." Kanaya greeted, awkwardly outstretching an elegant hand for a handshake. The Doctor took it and shook it quite violently, causing Karkat to nearly flip out, thinking he was going to rip her arm off or something. But of course, he was just being the Doctor, no arm ripping involved. Kanaya even cracked a smile, feeling more at ease.

"HeY yOu BiG bAd MoThErFuCkIn' StOrM gUy, I'm GaMzEe, At YoUr MoThErFuCkIn' SeRvIcE, bRo." Gamzee slurred from the back, raising an arm in greeting. Martha tried her best to keep from laughing at the ridiculous clown troll in a codpiece, but failed utterly and completely. The Doctor had to keep himself from laughing as well and he did a bit better, but his cheeks still puffed out from suppressed laughter. Gamzee just kept on smiling, of course.

"1'M T333R333Z11111..." Terezi whispered, taking the Doctor's moment of laughter as a chance to strike back, nostrils going full force. The Doctor shouted in protest and tripped backwards, almost running straight into Jake who was admiring him from the back. He landed awkwardly flat on his ass which caused one of his guns in his holster belt to go off, narrowly missing the TARDIS not too far off.

After this was a totally awkward moment of complete silence.

"Well." Said Dirk, just for the irony of getting the first word to break the ice. "Now that that's out of the way, you had a story?"

* * *

**Yeah, I kinda trolled you guys a bit with the not telling the troll and Doctor story this time, but oh well. I thought it would be kinda nice to cut it off there so it wouldn't get too long. That wouldn't be too good. And anyway, filler chapters here and there are okay sometimes, right?**

**Yeah, no. Not, like, only 3 chapters in is it okay. I do that way too much.**

**Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter even though it was kind of disappointing. The story is going to be great, I promise, but I still have to think it through completely so it doesn't sound completely retarded or implausible. As crazy as it sounds, I do actually think these things through. Not very much, but I do. I'll be sure to update as soon as possible with the next one with the story that I kept avoiding this chapter! ^^  
**

**~Mint**


	4. The Story of the Marquise and the Daleks

**Yay! So much more positive reviews and follows and faves, I love you all so much! And as a reward for all of your support, I will finally be revealing the Doctor's past with the trolls!**

**A few of you have made theories on the stories and a couple have been pretty close, but not exactly what I had in mind. I really loved thinking this whole story up and I can't wait to finally put it into context! X3**

**Oh yeah, and I decided I won't be typing in the trolls' quirks anymore. It was just too much of a hassle and I think it just seems a bit more...professional when you don't use them. Now I know I'm not writing a book or anything here, but I still want to get the full emotional value of a regular way of typing across, without having to go around quirks as well.**

**Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie. I am neither of these people. All I did was make up the words Garsknoff and Trikollian.**

* * *

**DW: Flashback**

"It all happened a lifetime ago..." The Doctor started, face set in a deep frown. "I was just on Nine back then, right in the heat of the Time War..."

_The Doctor was in his TARDIS, recovering from the Battle of the Garsknoff Sector. It had been a brutal one and he had at one point nearly been forced into regeneration. Luckily, he was able to escape the Dalek squadron that had been tailing him by moving to a relatively nearby galaxy. The Trikollian galaxy, he thought it was called._

_After a few hours of drifting, he came upon a planet. He would have locked onto it and landed on it, but that would have been a lot more easy for his pursuers to track down. Coming out of the Vortex in a seemingly random part of space is much harder to trace than a celestial body. He had found this out the hard way._

_The planet he was viewing was a quite nice looking one from afar; nice size, two moons, one green, one pink; overall it looked quite hospitable. On the surface, it reminded him quite a lot of Earth. It was most likely inhabited with such seemingly nice conditions. The Doctor hit a button or two on the control panel, causing him to speed up in his descent into the planet's orbit and then into it's atmosphere._

_He made touchdown near a body of water that was harboring a fleet of ships. Eight ships, to be exact. And from the make of them, it seemed they were pirate ships. This intrigued the Doctor, so he decided to make a little interruption to see what was going on. _

_As he got closer to what seemed to be the head ship, he could hear something of a scuffle coming from on board. He sneaked up to the side of the boat so he was out of sight, looked up, and tried to focus his hearing on the top deck._

_"Redglare, you've finally found me, how woooooooonderful it is to see you." A woman's voice cooed from above. The Doctor could hear an obnoxious laugh follow this up while something sharp was rapped against the deck. "I take it you've come to take me to His Honorable Tyranny for justice against my pirating crimes,"_

_"Yes, I have, Marquise. Pyralspite and I will take much pleasure from serving justice to such a marked man as you," A second voice cackled back. "Now if you'll be so kind as to follow me, you have the right to remain silent." The second voice said with a sickly sweet voice, cackles ceasing. The Doctor wanted to climb up the side of the boat so bad to get a better look, but from the sound of what was going on up there, he knew it'd be a really bad idea. And in this incarnation, he was a bit more careful._

_After some sounds of ruffling and a cry of a mighty beast, the Doctor gaped as a humongous, stark white dragon flew across the sky, two riders perched on it's back. One of them was decked out in a red and teal suit and sharp, crimson glasses. The other had long, unruly hair topped with a big, black hat and a big, ruffly, black and cerulean dress._

_The thing that the Doctor found strange, however, was that he had never encountered a race such as this. He didn't recognize the grey skin, candy corn horns, and as he would later find out, multicolored blood. It troubled him, actually, that there was an alien race that he couldn't identify. He was supposed to know them all._

_Deciding to follow the two what he assumed to be females, he hopped in his TARDIS and pulled a couple levers. Gallifreyan lettering sprang up on the console screen as he pushed seemingly random buttons. He was now set to track down something the pirate woman was holding, eight pieces of some unidentifiable substance. It was able to be tracked and followed, for whatever reason. Now the Doctor was exceedingly curious about this race and more specifically those two beings he saw ride off on that huge, white dragon-like creature._

_After following the two what he guessed to be women, he finally found himself stopping in front of a humongous castle, looking quite grim against the dark sky, peppered with unfamiliar stars and two, different colored moons. The dragon had been parked out front and just as the Doctor left his TARDIS, he noticed the two ladies just disappearing behind the door._

_The Doctor began to advance but froze in his tracks when he noticed one of the scout Dalek ships descending from the sky, perching itself on one of the highest tiers of the tallest tower. His eyes widened as he saw the hatch of the ship begin to lower and Dalek scouts pouring out into the night sky._

_The scouts forced their way into the castle by breaking all the windows in sight. The Doctor felt helpless as he heard the ripping screams of a hundred or so creatures fill the air along with the Dalek battle cry. He wanted with all his hearts to go in there and stop the Daleks from murdering those innocents, but his feet wouldn't move from the spot._

_Eventually, the Daleks had apparently been teleported back into the ship because the screams and yells had all stopped. The Doctor felt his nerves begin to work again and he went full sprint to the door of the castle._

_Just as he was about to burst in, he ran headlong into something that definitely wasn't door._

_It was the cerulean woman from before, looking as prim and proper as ever, save for a couple of dress rips, part of her hat missing, and sweet Rassilon she's missing an arm and an eye._

_Before either of them could comment on each other's strange appearances, the Doctor's eyes widened in surprise. He quickly grabbed the woman's hand and dragged her away from the soaring castle, only shouting one word._

_"RUN!"_

_The blueblood, not enjoying being bossed around by a assumed lower caste, obliged anyway upon noticing her own life was at stake if she didn't do what the man had instructed. Before she could even protest on being the one that's supposed to tell people what to do, the man yanked her out of the way of a powerful blast._

_She looked up to the sky and was greeted with seven gigantic, disk shaped ships, covering the entire sky. Oh, just one off. How that irked her._

_"Oh, more are coming...we're in for a storm tonight," The man muttered. The lady, tired of all the mystery around him, thrust her hand to his chest. She had learned a technique to finding out a person's caste by feeling their pulse. The lower the caste, the slower the heartbeat._

_She was surprised even further when her hand registered way beyond normal pulse. It was a bit less than double her own, which was already quite quick. She dug her hand in further in the last second and discovered that instead of just one heart, there were two. No wonder. He must not be of Alternia._

_The Doctor, not sure what her was feeling just then, ripped the strange woman's hand off his chest. He had no idea why she had just done that and right now he hadn't any time to find out, the Daleks were upon them. The sentry ship that had blown up the castle had called for backup, and oh boy did it come. Almost a whole fleet. He really did attract attention._

_The Doctor grabbed the woman's hand once again and sprinted at full speed back towards the TARDIS as a shot was fired from the captain ship at the very place the two of them had been standing a second before. If he just made it to the TARDIS he could escape and leave this planet alone. Hopefully the Daleks would leave._

_Just before he reached the TARDIS, the woman pulled back on his wrist. He turned around to see her standing with her remaining arm on her hip._

_"What exactly is going on?" She asked, hair flipping off her shoulder. "I demand to know what's going on."_

_"Look, now's not exactly the best time, but I'll be happy to explain when I'm not here and this planet is safe. Now please, I have to go," The Doctor waved and began to step back into the TARDIS before the woman yanked on his wrist again._

_"What do you think you're doing? You're acting as elusive as a storm, always coming out of nowhere and leaving destruction in your wake, not bothering to look back." The woman argued as the ships began to split up, three going to a nearby village while four coming towards the two of them and the TARDIS. "The Oncoming Storm. Is that your name? It would suit you."_

_The Doctor was a bit shocked at her little speech. For some reason he felt as if that would have a bigger impact on him later, but he tried not to think about that. "Um, sure, if it suits your fancy. I have to pop out now, nice meeting you blue lady,"_

_He slid back into his TARDIS and just as he closed the door he could have sworn he heard her mutter 'He sounds like he's of the North,'..._

The Doctor finished his tale, frown still etched deep into his face. "Apparently after I left some of the Dalek ships stayed behind and ravaged half of the planet. I did land on the Green Moon after that, met some guy with an all white head there, very weird. Not all that important, though, I don't think."

**Everyone that's not the Doctor: Mouths hit ground, cartoon style**

Everyone's mouths had dropped wide open. Some had been from recognition of the blue lady, others from finally piecing the puzzle together, and others just because it happened and they didn't know about it before and actually knowing something about something else was somewhat new to them, much less understanding it.

"I...I...You met the Marquise!" Terezi finally managed to exclaim. The Doctor cocked his head. "Marquise Spinneret Mindfang! Vriska's ancestor! No wonder Vriska was always confused when the words 'Oncoming Storm' would show up...it was you all along!"

"Really? Wow. Didn't think I'd made that much of an impact. But I guess basically causing a massacre can do that." He said.

"And you had an encounter with the apparent 'amazing host' Doc Scratch, interesting." Rose commented. "Do you remember anything of that conversation? Anything involving that pleasure must be quite vital to our quest, and why you were brought here in the first place, Doctor."

The Doctor's eyebrows wrinkled in thought. "We-lll...I had been pretty rushed and didn't want to stick around so, no, I don't remember too much. I do remember these weird blue arrow candies, licorice scottie dogs, and some big black book with multicolored writing in it. Otherwise, it's a jumbled mess of rubbish."

Rose sighed. "Oh well, it's not like we needed that information or anything." She muttered sarcastically to herself under her breath. John, who was standing next to her, broke out of his surprised state for half a second to snicker but quickly reverted back to flabbergastery.

**Everyone: Awkward silence**

Everybody, for whatever reason, suddenly fell silent.

**Jane: Break ice with stupid questions**

"So, now that that's cleared up, what next?" Jane asked.

* * *

**Omg finally this is done. I had most of this all typed up where it was much, much longer, but when I tried to save, it logged me out. Yeah, it was really sad. I cried, for like, 20 minutes.**

**But it's finally up. I think I did at least an OK job with the story. If anybody needs anything cleared up, I can go back an edit it.**

**Next chapter there'll be more on what the Doctor can remember of the Doc Scratch story, beyond scottie dogs, of course. It'll be plenty fun for me to write since I'll be writing a very special character into it~ A cookie to the person who guesses correctly! :D**

**Please review! It makes me update sooner!**

**Till next time,**

**~Mint**


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